I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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