Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Randomize
