you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
