wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
