My brain says no but my pants say off.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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