She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
He's a Shit stain on my heart
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
