I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
What a dumb baby whore.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Randomize