my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
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