man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
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