I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Randomize
