Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Randomize
