K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
