He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
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