Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
