He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
