I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Blood and glitter go together right?
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
