honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
You have to summon your inner elephant
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
