This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
