Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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