i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Randomize