the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
