my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
