i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
