You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Randomize
