nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Randomize
