Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Randomize
