i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Randomize
