Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
