he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
