We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
