he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
