he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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