so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
