So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I feel like death gave me a hand job
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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