I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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