i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Randomize
