He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
