it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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