THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
40s are totally the cure
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
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