there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
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