Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I came so hard my ears popped.
Randomize
