My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
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