All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
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