just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
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