My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I'm just crazy horny about you
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
