These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Randomize
