I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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