So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
My dad is sitting where you rode me
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
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