I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
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