dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
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