I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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