wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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