My Higher Power is John Stamos
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Rumble strips road head = magical
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
