You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
