I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
