it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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