i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
he's single and there are thong briefs.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
