Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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