I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
