I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Randomize
