nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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