there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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