sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Pants are for mortals
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
