are you still at the devil's house?
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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