Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
