I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Randomize
