69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Randomize
