im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Randomize