btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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