I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Randomize
