went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Pooping to opera.
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