If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
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