i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
