Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
