I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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