make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
