winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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