im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
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