I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
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