yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
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