In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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