I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
So gin and wine won't be happening again
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Randomize
