He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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