my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
