Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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