tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
