two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
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