alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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