Just cropdusted the office
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Randomize
